So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
