it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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