I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
