Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
