he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
