Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
