soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
