Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
