Betty ford says i'm here all night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
