I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize