I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
