Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
