Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
