I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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