He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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