Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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