I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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