I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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