Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize