Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
