take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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