The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
