im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
