He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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