no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
