so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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