We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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