P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
