At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
that is very illegal...i love you.
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