A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Swine flu. Run for my life!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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