You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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