If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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