I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The struggles of a small town man whore
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
