and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
