true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
