I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
