Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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