So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
