Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
