hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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