i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
