But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
