I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
