Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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