I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
