Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
