hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pants are for mortals
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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