Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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