he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm passing your future prison.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
foreskin is a definite game changer
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
me + whiskey = a bad person
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
