The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
