If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
