hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
