careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
