I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
