the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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