i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The adults are the big ones right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
