I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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