The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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