I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
