I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
