I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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