Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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