this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
