maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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