So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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