One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
