All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
