Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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