i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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