You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
